


The Wolf

by iggycakes



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Breakup, F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Hurt No Comfort, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Second person POV, Smut, Songfic, WoL has tits and a pussy, amaurotine!wol, ambiguous WoL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 14:57:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iggycakes/pseuds/iggycakes
Summary: SHADOWBRINGERS 5.0 SPOILERSThe WoL doesn't know how to feel about Emet-Selch. By all means, you shouldn't trust him-- but you couldn't help yourself. Something was attracting you to him. And him to you. Something old and very dear.





	The Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> The songs featured are "Pink in the Night" by Mitski and "The Wolf" by PHILDEL, which are both very good and make me cry. 
> 
> This fic takes some liberties with canon A, because I can't be bothered to check if the text actually invalidates some of my headcanons and B, because there's just so little we know at this point lmao. Anyway, it's an interpretation among many. I've already spent too much time trying to write this and I am tired!

_ And I know I've kissed you before, but _

“What’s wrong, our brave Warrior of Light? You’ve been staring at me for quite a while. Cat got your tongue?” 

Emet-Selch was an enigma. You shouldn’t trust him. Keep an eye on him, yes. But trusting him was out of the question. He would hurt you eventually. He was an Ascian. It was inevitable. Whatever goodwill bewitched him currently would wear out and he would backstab you without a second thought. He had to be biding his time, waiting for  _ something  _ to happen. You weren’t sure what, but you needed to stay on your toes. 

You knew this. It was a ringing alarm bell in the back of your thoughts, constantly. And yet, you paid it no heed. Despite everything, you couldn’t. Your heart wouldn’t let you. You’d resign yourself to being betrayed. If he hurt you, you’d deserve it. Part of you wanted it. It was a pull you couldn’t resist. It was strange. You wanted him to be happy. 

“You didn’t have to save Y’shtola, but you did.”

His face contorted. Brows furrowed in a complicated expression. There was so much debate. So much conflict. Thin lips pressed together tightly as if words were desperate to spill out and he was simply refusing them admittance. Golden eyes, deep and lonely, pierced with unfathomable grief. 

You couldn’t possibly imagine what it must be like, to be grieving as long as he has. To be wrestling with the weight of the burdens he carried. He carried penance like duty, as if happiness was not a luxury he was permitted. 

“This again.” He sighed. He was weary of your questions, but you couldn’t help yourself. You didn’t understand, but you wanted to so desperately. You couldn’t fathom what motivated Emet-Selch to continue this charade with you.

Why was he  _ here _ ?

“As I have told you countless times before, I did it because I could.” He averted his gaze. An indication of falsehood. It was an answer you heard repeatedly, but one you believed less and less the more he said it. 

The dim lights of Fanow cast a shadow on Emet-Selch’s tired face as he made motions to leave, making you wonder why he obliged you this conversation in the first place. 

“Why… why do you always look at me so expectantly? What do you even want me from me?”

All the sadness in the world couldn’t measure the depths of this man’s loneliness.

He snapped back around, walking towards you with that signature slouch in his posture. Something about the look on his face scared you as backed up against the big tree behind you. He made you feel small, insignificant. The vitriol in his eyes stabbed your heart, tearing it apart. 

In that same instant, his demeanor softened, bringing a gloved hand to your cheek gently. His touch soft, as if applying any more pressure might break you.

“You can’t give me what I want, darling.”

_ Then why does he look at you like you can? _

As if there was  _ something  _ you could do to ease his pain, release him from that cage he’s built around himself. As if you could  _ fix  _ whatever was broken. 

_ And I hear my heart breaking tonight _

_ I hear my heart breaking tonight _

It’s on the tip of your tongue. The fading mirage of a memory so distant you couldn’t be sure it was even real. But you felt it pummeling through your chest with unimaginable force every time Emet-Selch looked at you like he  _ knew  _ you. Like there was someone there he expected to see, but then he’d realize that person wasn’t truly there and his eyes would fuel with enmity. 

“You have no idea just how hollow you are, do you?”

You pleaded.  _ “Tell me.” _

His hand wrapped itself around your throat. You felt it tightening, threatening to crush you. You couldn’t breathe, but you leveled his gaze. Not with defiance, but with pity. Boundless pity. 

He let go and sighed. “When will you stop haunting me like this?”

“I wish I knew what you were talking about.”

“We’d be here for all eternity if I tried to explain it to you.”

“Well, I have, like, fifteen minutes.”

_ Do you hear it too? _

_ It's like a summer shower _

_ With every drop of rain singing _

He laughed and for a moment, you swore you saw true honesty in his smile. But it quickly retreated. “Fifteen minutes, huh? Shame on me for taking up our great warrior’s precious, precious time.”

Emet-Selch tried to leave again, but you grabbed his wrist, stopping him in tracks. You didn’t even know what you wanted to say to him. But you didn’t want him to go. How many more chances would you get to talk to him alone like this? How much time did they have left? You were afraid of this delicate peace, of the fragility of your relationship.

If you didn’t get answers now, would it be too late when you finally did? When would that be? 

“Just tell me who am I supposed to be to you? Why do I…?”

His kiss was sudden, almost inordinately tender. His hands in your hair as he pressed you against the tree. 

_ And I know I've kissed you before, but _

You squeezed his wrist as he kissed you harder, hungry. He loosened your grip and pinned your hand above your head. His free hand wrapping itself around your waist.

_ I didn't do it right _

_ Can I try again, try again, try again _

_ Try again, and again, and again _

_ And again, and again, and again _

His touch was nostalgic. 

“Careful, darling,” He pulled away, exhaling. His gaze bore into yours, like daggers. “Or I might think you’re actually enjoying this.”

Enjoying this? 

Yeah, you were. 

But why were you? You haven’t forgotten he was the enemy. That he could try to kill you at any moment. That he could hurt the people closest to you without hesitating.

You felt your heart in your throat. Ready to burst. Your legs shook. Your mind raced. These were important questions to answer, but all you could think about was convincing those lips to touch yours again. To get those hands to move elsewhere. To touch you in places they shouldn’t be. 

The thrill of it.

“Is that bad?” 

He chuckled, letting go of your hand and taking your chin. “It’s  _ awful.  _ What would your companions say, hm?”

You brought your hand up to his face. “I expect they wouldn’t be happy… but I just can’t resist you.”

“Someone ought to teach you how to be more subtle. It’ll earn you more points.”

You could feel his breath down your neck as he leaned in. 

“I’d need a teacher.”

“Do you expect it to be me?”

He nuzzled into you, lips kissing your shoulder blades for a moment before biting down violently. You winced, then felt your body relax into the pain. A wave of pleasure coursing through. He sucked the bruise and left a mark. Licking his lips proudly. 

“If you belonged to me, I wouldn’t bother teaching you subtlety.”

Emet-Selch shoved you hard against the tree, shoving a leg between yours. He pressed and you found yourself unable to hold back a moan. The heat between your thighs was apparent now. 

“I’d teach you obedience.”

His hands felt like they were everywhere at once. You were dizzy with arousal, thinking about his knee between your thighs. You wanted him to move, to rub it against you. He wouldn’t. So, you moved your hips, hoping to get  _ something _ , but he merely pinned you harder, making it difficult to move an inch.

“Hnnn…”

“I’d make sure you’d never go against my wishes. Ever again.”

He unclasped your armor, removing it piece by piece. He let them fall unceremoniously. You barely had enough freedom to grip his robes, wishing he’d let you do the same to him. So you could feel his skin against yours. You wanted that contact so badly, to touch his skin. To tell him how much you wanted this. 

“How will you do that without telling me what it is you want?” You whined under his touch. He unraveled you, pressing your skin tentatively, like he was studying you. 

Emet-Selch traced lines over your body, carving you out mentally. His gaze was low and his breath heavy. Despite his cool demeanor, you could tell he was also getting aroused. His hands parted you for just a moment as he pulled his gloves off with his teeth.

“Your mere existence is against my wishes.”

“Seems like… A-ah… An impossible task then…” 

He kissed you again, forcefully this time, clearly to shut you up. He hated every word coming out of your insubordinate mouth. He hated the way you crumbled under his expert touch, the way you did so easily and so willingly. This shouldn’t be happening. You shouldn’t be doing this. But you didn’t want to stop. You wanted more. You wanted everything. 

You lips fought for dominance, him wishing to keep a steady pace, you vying for more-- trying to see how far you could push him. He relented eventually, leaning into the kiss, groaning against you as his fingers reached downwards to your arousal. Fingers teasing.

He grinned.

“Impatient, aren’t you?”

You could hear how wet you were. A testament to your forbidden desires. Yet, he didn’t scold you. His fingers rubbed you, pressing your clit and all too easily sliding his fingers inside you. You moaned, holding his shoulders tightly, afraid your legs would give up. And he put another finger inside, stretching, trying to see how deep they could go.

You were helpless, grinding against his hand. You wanted to help him, to guide him where it felt best. But he hardly needed any of that. He nuzzled into your neck. You felt his cold lips against your skin, breathing you in. His free hand cupping your right breast, massaging it.

“This is a mistake.”

He breathed, biting you and leaving another mark. You dug your fingers into his shoulders, tugging fiercely at his robes. You wanted them off. You wanted to touch him too. 

You couldn’t care less about the circumstances. You heart was pounding. His fingers were playing you for a fool. It felt so good, too good. You couldn’t fathom why or how. But you were sweaty and desperate for more.

Emet-Selch finally heeded you. Pulling off his jacket, struggling with the rest. You helped him. His clothes falling into a pile next to your armor. You both slowly gave up standing, folding down to the grass, surrounded by glowing blue flowers.

“Come,” He said, voice heavy. “Put it in yourself.”

You obeyed, climbing onto his lap and letting him straddle you. You reached for his dick, struggling to position yourself over it. Your hands were shaking. You hips were shaking. Pangs of pleasure coursing through you, clouding your judgement. He helped, holding your hips to stabilize you as you descended. You felt his length creep inside you, pain and pleasure combining into sensations too overwhelming to process. 

Instead of letting you come down slowly, Emet-Selch thrusted into you without warning, shoving the rest of him inside without mercy. 

“A-ah!”

It was so much at once. You could barely make anything coherent in your mind. He was inside you. Emet-Selch was inside you. His face contorted into something resembling conflicted pleasure. Mild sweat on his brow as he continued thrusting.

“P-please…”

You matched his rhythm, bouncing on his lap, arms loosely wrapped around him as you both searched for release. Heat rising. You bit your lips, worried your moans were getting too loud. That someone nearby may hear. That you, the Warrior of Light would be caught fucking the enemy. Literally.

You tasted iron as blood dripped down your lip and Emet-Selch came inside you. Your arms tightened around him as you came soon after. He struggled to catch his breath, staring directly at you with an expression you wish made sense. Gently, he kissed you, licking the blood away. 

You wished you could stay like this forever. Connected. Together. But this moment was as fleeting as any relationship you could pursue with this man. 

He pulled out, much to your disappointment. The wet dripping out of you. The smell of sex and lust filling the air. He wrapped his arms around you, bringing you both down to the grass and cuddled you close, pulling you into his chest.

“This will only hurt us both more later, you know.”

You did.

“I don’t regret it.”

He laughed sadly. “If only anyone could hear you right now. How disappointed they’d be in their hero. Colluding with the enemy, in the dead of night like a common harlot.”

“You say such cruel things and don’t mean any of them.”

“I mean them enough.”

You could’ve sworn Emet-Selch said something else, but you couldn’t hear him anymore. You were suddenly very sleepy. Tired. Your eyelids were heavy and your conscience drifted off to rest.

_ And you once said I wish you dead you sinner _

_ I'll never be more than a wolf at your door for dinner _

_ And if I see you 'round like a ghost in my town you liar _

_ I'll leave with your head oh I'll leave you for dead, sire. _

You dreamt of a song. A song sung under the depths. In a dead, far away place that no longer existed. It was cold and empty. It was the sadness of a millennia. A song you had never heard before sung countless times once upon a time. The song of a tempest night. A melody in the evening breeze whispering the secrets of those long gone. 

Much to your surprise, Emet-Selch was still here. Mindlessly playing with your hair, humming quietly under his breath. Disjointed notes that barely formed a melody, let along a song. Fragments of your dream lingered in your thoughts and you found yourself humming back. 

“_And you… once said… I wish you dead…_”

He stopped and, for a moment, you thought he might be angry with you. But he wasn’t. His golden eyes widened. 

“It would be much easier, were that possible,” He said softly, getting up. 

“Emet-Selch…” You watched him stagger away and tried to get up to give him chase. But your body protested, still sore and exhausted from last night. 

A familiar pain struck your head and you buckled forward. Your vision faded. The last thing you remembered was the bottom of Emet-Selch’s robes brushing grass. He was leaving. Again. You were leaving a million things unsaid, unfelt. Again.

Profound regret washed over you as the Echo blessed you with another memory. A memory that felt as much yours as it did the man whose eyes you were seeing it through. 

_ “Tell me again. What are you calling it?”  _

_ “A Song.”  _

_ “It’s just Music… with Words?” _

_ “Yes!” _

_ “But, it’s so simple.” _

_ “Simplicity is what makes it so beautiful, Hades. I don’t suppose you could wrap your brilliant mind around such quaint a concept, could you? There’s power in words spoke through Song. It’s layered in melody and rhythm. Those factors combined make the heart swell. You can convey multitudes with Song that would take hours in pure text.” _

_ “In any case, it’s good to see you so passionate again. We have all been so worried about you, Hestia.” _

_ “All?” _

_ “Well, I…” _

_ “Don’t lie. Your affection for me does not trump your belief in this plan. I’m well aware of that fact.” _

_ “If you could just agree there is no other way, we would not be having this conversation. All would be like it was.” _

_ “Then make another way! Figure something out! What is the point of Creation magic if we are to create something responsible for such mass destruction? Would you be able to live with yourself? With the burden of that sacrifice, Emet-Selch?” _

_ “It’s this or  _ everything _ .” _

_ “For someone so smart, you sure are determined to stay close-minded on this point.” _

_ “What would you have me do? Would you have me spout platitudes? Tell our people a grand speech about how we may survive this Calamity yet? Through sheer will? Or perhaps you would like to me sing a Song? I would not have us all die over empty promises and idealism. How many times would you have us argue like this, Hestia?” _

_ “Don’t worry, Hades. This is the last time. I’m leaving the Convocation.” _

_ “What? No… You can’t.” _

_ “I can and I have. I know I cannot stop you from performing the Summoning and you cannot convince me to be complicit in what amounts to mass indiscriminate murder.” _

_ “Hestia, please… my love…” _

_ “Don’t give me that now. We can’t…” _

_ ... _

“What did you  _ see _ !?” Panic. There was panic on his face. Honest, sincere panic. What caused it? What was he so worried about?

You tried to regain yourself and you found the vision you’d just seen fading rapidly from your conscience, as if being sundered apart because the memory wasn’t meant to be. You struggled to hold onto fragments. Feelings. You could remember those as if they belonged to you. The regret. The sadness. 

“Hades…” You mumbled out, looking up at him. “Why do I know that name..?”

“It’s impossible. You can’t be.” He bit his tongue, panic quickly switching to anger. “I’m fooling myself. There’s just no way. I have to stop these delusions.”

“What are you talking about?” 

You reached for him, but he stepped away again. He towered over you and looked down with a dead, soulless gaze. “Forget. Just forget.”

No.  _ No.  _

“No!”

He snapped his fingers and the distant echo turned into nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was frustrating because you still felt that emptiness in your heart. You  _ knew  _ he had done something. That he had  _ taken  _ something from you. Again. Again, again, again. 

“It just won’t work out for us, darling. We want fundamentally different things.”

“But I…”

He put a finger to your lips. “Don’t say it. Spare us both that.”

_ I know, my way through the night to your door _

_ You know, the blood that I'm owed is all yours _

_ The wishes I've made are too vicious to tell _

_ The devil already he knows me so well _

_ And if it's true, I'll go there with you _

**Author's Note:**

> \- I like the idea that Hades and [Amaurotine!WoL] probably had a really fiery relationship. Two people who really loved and admired each other, but whose ideals were constantly at odds. I imagine they fought a LOT before [WoL] ultimately decided to leave the Convocation.  
\- This was supposed to be a sequel to my other fic "Broken Crown" but it's more of its own thing now, so yeah.


End file.
